Fancy a spam sandwich?

After all the Christmas bingeing and before the New Year festivities hit us hard in the belly once more, how about a light dinner? A quick spam sandwich is on the menu here at OMG tonight.

I’ve never really paid much attention to the spam I get on my site. Okay, I admit it, I didn’t really know where it was.

I have read other bloggers’ accounts of the weird and wonderful nonsense they find in their spam folder. But I never thought of checking up on mine. Until today.

I’m glad I did. It has given me a good thirty minutes of guffawing as I tried to work out exactly what someone or something was trying to sell me.

I can only imagine that the following excepts from a much, much longer piece are all about jewellery. How it found its way here along a long, slippery path of bad translation from Russian (?) to semi-coherent English, fills me with wonder. And giggles. And don’t worry I didn’t click on any strange-looking link before copying it here for your delight tonight:

‘Russians have reason to believe in white and black, instead of tones most typically associated with off white.

lindsay lohan begins to be sad and a person understand why. after you tranquil the actual out of, You laboriously show the doll those things your financial allowance is a ring. she still believes that you’re miser, But you part with their money.’

Whaaaaat?? I honestly wonder what that sounded like in the original version. Surely not half as crazy? He (but he could be a ‘she’ or an ‘it’ or any other type of undefined alien blobform) then unexpectedly goes on to talk about his cousin and her vast, kitschy pal:

‘your darling chosen a beautifully-designed jewelry which has a an element who was the right and an acceptable size your money can buy. this has been a nothing more than I wished to pay, nevertheless it really had my cousin happy.

her very own very good friend that has kind of kitschy essence. vast and as a result showy is more superior in her opinion. ever so when my girl helps to keep researching it then in order to the group wife’s ring, pulling unfulfilled.’

What is a group wife, I wonder? Sounds a bit too polygamous for my liking. Anyway, to finally make me just long to press on that link and gain access to my own beautifully designed ‘jewelry’, he (she, it, blob) adds a little tiny teaser. The finale of all finales, making me water at the mouth and ready to buy, buy, buy:

‘this woman preserves hitting jane’s partner that alternate moving upward. Eventually, she will get the wedding band she all the time dreamed of. But it will end up pricing higher once time has passed when compared with what if in case he precisely invested in the bridal ring to start with.’

Poor Jane or maybe poor Jane’s partner or maybe poor cousin, poor doll, or poor Lindsay Lohan. All caught up in buying expensive jewellery when all they needed to do was come to my blog, check out my spam box and buy something exceptional at half the cost. I think.

Spam sandwiches. Don’t you just love them?

Image courtesy of The Spam Brand. And by the by, everything printed in italics above is absolutely unadulterated spam. Cross my heart.

About Juliet

I've just turned fifty, OMG ! I didn't realise I would have so much to say about this time of my life. The pure pleasure of writing has hit me hard and this blog is sheer self-indulgence. Enjoy!
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9 Responses to Fancy a spam sandwich?

  1. Cyranny says:

    I love spam… both the questionable meat (is that really meat? I don’t really care :P) and the nonsense tucked in that forgotten file!

    You got me worried about Lindsay’s level of happiness now, weeding band half priced or not! I hope you, she and this thoughtful reader of yours are all doing great!

    *Hugs from Freezingland*

    Liked by 1 person

  2. franklparker says:

    Thanks for the chuckle, Juliet. I remember, back before I had a spam filter, spending hours going through deleting 100s of comments a day, usually the same ones repeated (by a robot?) at ten second intervals. Made me wish I’d never taken up blogging!
    As for the real thing, are you old enough to remember the little boy who advertised ‘popped ham with chork’? It was the same product although a different brand. And then there were the wonderfully greasy and cholesterol loaded spam fritters . . .

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I get these hilarious spams too, Juliet! About half are obvious pornography links, but the rest are the most bizarre statements of weirdness that have nothing to do with the topics of my posts. Just an FYI – after posting about spam, one of my posts starting getting 1000 spams a day. If that happens to you, just close comments on that post and they’ll all go away. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ellen Hawley says:

    Spam’s rapidly becoming an art form, don’t you think? Kind of like abstract art–words with no reference to meaning.

    Liked by 1 person

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